Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
