Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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