while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
