I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
