Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
