So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
