Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
