I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
