I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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