thus making me awesome and them whores
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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