So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
