if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize