Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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