Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
