the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
