I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
