Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
