I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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