New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
