hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize