My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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