Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
