When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
