Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
