do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize