I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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