but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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