His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
