the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
