I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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