it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
