I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
