Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
