You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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