life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sex in a hospital.. check
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
