margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
