That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
