i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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