Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
