hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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