garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
