you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
