yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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