Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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