those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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