we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
