I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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