I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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