I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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