um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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