the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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