My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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