You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
