Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
