so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
tell me about the fingering
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
