dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
