"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
