shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
