Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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