You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
