I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
