im drinking this country out of the recession.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Welp...herpes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize