is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
