and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
