Little spoons don't ask big questions
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
