he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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