wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
