I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
