I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
