just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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