Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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