Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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