he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
