I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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