Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
