we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
