so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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